The Changing of the Guard: New Kittens

For a month, it was very quiet here.

I had spent the last two years watching my beloved Bonnie and Cindy die. Cindy went first, in February of 2008. Her kidneys were failing and she stopped eating. When I could no longer bear to see her starve, I put her down. That decision haunted me for many months; had I put her down too soon? One night, she came to me in a dream and said, "Don't you remember how miserable I was?" and I finally made peace with my decision. Looking at the photographs of those last weeks now, I know I made the right choice.

Bonnie left me at the end of January 2009. She was losing interest in food and that was making the management of her diabetes increasingly treacherous. She was beginning to lose control of her hind legs, due to complications of the diabetes. Finally, one morning, she was unable to walk anymore and the decision was made for me. Her passing was not easy; the vet had terrible problems finding a vein. I mourned her death on many levels. She was a beloved friend and companion. And she and her sister were a constant in my life for most of the last 20 years. It marked the passing of an era for me.

It was hard to come home to an empty house, but slowly, something very unexpected happened. During all those years, when the ladies were doing all sorts of wild and crazy things, and I was occasionally contemplating "catricide", I remember saying to myself, "Someday, when they're old and decrepit, you'll look back on these moments and you'll laugh." And I was right. I kept journal of all those funny, terrible things they did. And now that all of their suffering is passed, I was free to dredge up all of those hilarious moments and enjoy them. I laughed more in those weeks after Bonnie's death than I had at any time in the past two years.

For four weeks, I tried out life without cats. It was definitely easier. But finally, I knew I was ready to take the plunge. I went to a shelter in Norwalk and picked out a couple of kittens. When I took them to my vet last Monday, everyone there was very glad to see me again, in much happier circumstances. Everyone made a big fuss over the kittens. The vet said to me, "I knew that I would see you again but I was a little surprised to see you this soon." I answered, "Do you have any idea how easy it is to read a newspaper without a cat lying in the middle of it?"

He laughed, but that's how I knew I was ready to return to that maddening, hilarious, fascinating role of catslave.